Trail Confidence: Because there was no race, again.

I was born and raised in a magical land where I had my choice of trails within about 15 miles of my house. Flat shady trails, hills through the woods, or up and down along the ridge of tall sandy dunes. I could run barefoot along the edge of the water listening to the sound of the waves. I could run with my cross country teammates or drive up and spend a couple hours out there alone. 

This magical land is Indiana. The first ocean I loved was Lake Michigan. 

Fast forward 10+ years and I'm now running trails in California from Santa Cruz up to the Marin Headlands and in love with the Pacific Ocean. Well, wait, that sounds too dreamy. I live at least an hour and a half factoring in freeway traffic from the nearest trails. I'm not really familiar with any trails and watch too many episodes of "I Shouldn't Be Alive", so the only time I get out to run them is when I run a race and it's marked and other people are out there or at least know I'm out there so if I fall off a cliff or run into a rabid raccoon someone will know where to come looking. This amounts to a trail running fix about once a month, which is far from satisfying.

This past weekend I was registered to run the PCTR Pacifica race. I had planned a four day vacation there in light of some things at work that would mean no extra time off and possibly no trail races for the next few months. I thought I could trust Pacific Coast Trail Runs again after the Santa Cruz debacle and ensuing drama and rumors of collecting registration fees for races without acquiring permits ahead of time.
I was wrong. Tuesday night I discovered, via someone I follow on Twitter who was also registered for the race, the run was cancelled. An email had been sent out, but not everyone got it, including me. After an enormous amount of activity on the PCTR Facebook page it was explained there was a technical glitch during the permitting process for the event. To me, and to others, it sounded like the same old stuff happening all over again. In lieu of my entry being transferred to a future event I requested a refund.

The reason I was really excited for this race was that I had just run the same trails a month ago with InsideTrail Racing, so it would be the first time ever I was going to run something I'd run before. It would be familiar. Now that it had been cancelled, I took all my anger and frustration and channeled it toward planning my own run. Alone. For the first time ever. And I got even more excited. 

Nathan, Gu, Cheez-its, ready to roll. 

I had planned to be at San Pedro early just in case anyone else showed up, but one too many Rum Runners the night before at Nick's (hey it's vacation), and I slept in a little. 

Eucalyptus Air

Once I got going and relaxed into the climb I was able to enjoy the experience. There was one section of swarming bees, and one time a bird made a noise like a Velociraptor from inside a bush right next to me as I ran by that freaked me out. What ended up happening, though, is that I remembered the trails and the turns, I greeted other runners and hikers, I was in awe of the view, and I decided to cut the run to about 5 miles so that I could run again the next day...and the next day. 

This is me. Having the time of my life. 

And then Poss showed up to the ocean and we had some Rum Runners and Dirty Martinis while we all watched the dancing at Nick's. 

The Dirty Martini is my new favorite drink. 

The next morning, I was up and ready to go at San Pedro as soon as the park opened at 8 am eager to get back out there and run longer. There were no other cars in the parking lot.  I set out again and saw this at the trail head...

What kind of messed up Blair Witch crap is this.

As I climbed again, I was happier. I was more relaxed this time and felt more like I belonged. I took the time to savor the silence, the birds, the smells and remember what it felt like when I was growing up to feel like I was at home on the trails. Basically I was in heaven. 

I dig these trees.

My first wildlife encounter: Mr. Banana Slug. 

My 2nd Wildlife encounter. Little Dog running on 3 legs. That beat me up the hill. 

There are no words to describe the feeling of standing up here looking at this. 

Did I mention that a group of hikers asked me for directions, ME? And I was able to give them directions including mileage? And all the runners I passed who were coming up the mountain as I was coming back down who I got to say good morning to and feel that sense of belonging again?

After this run I made a Starbucks run because we couldn't find a good cup of coffee to save our lives at the hotel or the restaurant or the little coffee shop we walked to. After lounging around, listening to the ocean and eating great food, we watched the Oscars, had some more drinks, and my head hit the pillow dreaming of my last morning trail run before heading back to the real world. 

My legs were a little upset with me this third morning. After all, the only time I run trails is when I sign up for a race...it's also the only time I get to run hills. Surprisingly after about 3 miles my quads stopped burning and I was able to motor on up again. 

 So, the thing is. I found my trail confidence. I didn't get lost. I didn't get eaten by buzzards. I found my way. I was alone with the mountain and the trees. I ran and thought and meditated and prayed. This was the perfect vacation. I can go forward now, get the heck out of town and explore and run, because fear is no longer holding me back.